Follow Geoff on Twitter

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Ian, Geoff here. Are you attracted to me? Do you love me? Do you want to bend me over and fuck me like a bitch? Because that's what you're doing right now sending me this car crash of a report two days before the directors make their announcement to the shareholders. If you need me to send George Jones over there to hold your hand while you piss you should have said you dickslap. For a start you can scale back the pay-per-click on Google, that misshapen cleft licker Sally Norris tells me they've got someone over at Venture Prospect specifically employed to sit there all day playing with his balls and clicking on our fucking ads. The cunt's costing us €250 a day and that doesn't look pretty in sterling any more. Paul's looking quite the nobhead now for insisting we move online marketing to Frankfurt. Drinks on Friday?

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Geoff, Ian here,
Just got back from the hospital. My dick is as a thick as a chimp's wrist, and not in a good way. I'll be off work for a few days, but if anyone asks, I got dengue fever from that Thai curry. You didn't mention what happened to Jenny did you? She is already suspicious about the picture message of me fucking that dog. Then again, a bet is a bet.

Probably back Thursday or Friday, whenever it is Chancellor Darling is writing the next cheque. What a spaz-back.

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Thursday, 8 January 2009

Paul, Geoff here. What the fuck happened to Ian? Last time we saw him he was running out of that brothel with his dick hanging out screaming. He wasn't on our flight home, his wife doesn't know where he is and I keep getting his 'out of office' every time I email him. I'm worried about him - he left the charger for his BlackBerry in the hotel room. Let's just hope he hasn't copied his brother and dunked himself in one of those scummy canals.

While he's out of the office you're going to need to get the IT gimps up to scratch on what we want to do with the splash page on the website. The MD's blowing a fucking kidney about the photo of that cunt Madoff right next to the Shaft logo, said something about it not being appropriate in the current climate...? What does he want, a fucking snowman? Some dopey old scrubber slipping over on the ice and breaking her face? I don't know why people in this country get so wound up about the weather, you can always hop on a plane to the Phillipines if you need a dose of sun and a bit of sucky sucky. Speaking of which, I've lent those DVDs I brought back from Laos to John Holt, you can have them next once he's finished his night shifts at the hospital.

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Monday, 5 January 2009

Hi Paul (and the rest of the boys at Shaft!)
Great to see you lads the other night, I'm afraid I'll have to duck out of Amsterdam, I've got night shifts at the hospital. We had to sack all the junior doctors to get our pay rise.
Unions eh?

Oh and by the way, in my professional opinion, that girl's nipple is cancerous, so someone should mention that to her.

Till next time.
Dr. John Holt

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Wednesday, December 24, "paul cleese' wrote:
> >Alright lads,
>here are the pics from the Christmas party, what a fucking
>night. And Geoff, you are SPOT ON about Karen from HR
>and her tumour nipple. What a slack bitch.
>See you on the 6th for Amsterdam
>Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld