Ian, Geoff here. Had a cracking month in Dubai, can't believe the company's still got the money to pay for these trips. We still haven't sealed the deal with DPW but I did manage to pick up some really cheap Silk Cut and a mild case of camel flu. I wasn't to know, I was full of gin and the fuckers put a dress and some lipstick on it. Anyway, I need to get up to speed on this sell-off you and Marsh have been wanking yourselves dry over while I've been gone so I'm coming down to Bishopsgate tomorrow. Apparently there's some kind of protest going on so I'm going to fill up a couple of bottles with piss tonight, then we can give those filthy hippies a shower again like we did last time. Do you remember the look on that girl's face when Cleese leaned out the window and puked all over her dreadlocks? Priceless. Speaking of our kiddy-fiddling former colleague, his case starts next month. The company sorted him out with a pension that makes Fred Goodwin's look like a 3 minute handjob from a Down's Syndrome so he should have enough cash to get himself a decent enough lawyer to walk. Let me know if you want me to pick you up tomorrow, the Mrs crashed the Hummer again while I was away so I'll be in the Discovery.

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Ian, Geoff here. It's cocks on blocks time mate, Marsh has just announced a salary freeze from senior management downwards. This is apparently to "allow us to continue delivering the same excellent levels of service to our customers". What it will actually allow us to do is keep our 150% bonus for the year, so I may have to grudgingly admit there is possibly 0.1% of Tony Marsh that isn't absolute cunt. Well, when I say us, I mean senior management upwards. Your bonus is going to the cleaners, turns out we haven't paid them for six months. I think that must be why there hasn't been any bog roll since November. I don't know about you but those share certificates are really starting to chafe my ring. Anyway, just wanted to give you a heads up before you go and buy another pair of shoes for that facially paralympian wife of yours. To be honest you're one of the lucky ones, the boys in Bristol are already on two day weeks and their share options are worth less than a scab on my balls.

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld