Ian, Geoff here. Or should I say guten tag, mein Fuhrer! That's right mate I am back in business, the Germans have scraped together the bits of turd left over at Shaft and pushed them back up their arse, I've just been brought in on a consultancy basis over here in Zurich. The good times are back, did you see old Eyebrows announcing 0.1% growth in the last quarter? They obviously haven't seen the balance on my account over in the Caymans. I'm telling you, this recession is the best thing that's ever happened to me, I'm pissing money out of my arse like a Bangladeshi child with three days to live. After the divorce I got into property - repossessions, house auctions, that kind of thing. The tears on a newly homeless single mother's face taste all the sweeter when you've just tucked a cheque for ten times what she'll earn in a year into your back pocket. And believe me I've tasted them, cornered her after the auction, gave her a twenty and what do you know, I'm pumping the chud into her head like it's a fucking balloon. Would've got the daughters involved but they really were quite ugly. Anyway what have you been doing with yourself since you jumped ship and fucked off to Anguilla with those NHS pension funds? That'll teach them to get the private sector involved! I reckon there's a twat-shaped desk with your name on it here if you want it, there's serious fucking shekels to be made here, or whatever Monopoly money it is they have in cheesy cuckoo cock land. If you thought we had it soft touch in London, wait till you see what arse fuckery we can get away with here! I've got deals on the go with people so shady even the fucking Chinese wouldn't trade with them. Drop us an email anyway, I'm in Lugano this weekend but I'm on the BlackBerry.

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