Ian, Geoff here. It's gone beyond tits up over here, the tits have gone so far up they're about to reach a critical mass and start raining back down on us. Coulson's left the building with his balls in a cardboard box and the rest of the bloodhounds from Number Ten are sniffing round like a bunch of Japanese businessmen looking for a schoolgirl's soiled knickers. I don't know what's happened to you but I need you to break your radio silence and tell me what's happened to the money in the Caymans. John Holt's shitting bricks the size of Marble Arch and if anyone finds out I leaked the stuff about the phone hacking I'm finished here. Get in touch you fucking nonce.

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