Ian, Geoff here. No fucking idea what your last email said, my BlackBerry keeps translating everything into German. That prick Cleese dropped it in my pint the other night at the pub after I asked him if his iPhone had an app for grooming 7 year old boys. He didn't manage to bring over any China either, although he did give me this plant food stuff all the kids are using back in Blighty (he'd know wouldn't he...), apparently it's completely legal. All I know is I had a couple of lines and it was the first time in seven years that I've found my wife attractive. Just a shame she left me for that arse gumming tosser Tony Marsh. Mind you I'd been drinking absinthe since breakfast, I couldn't get a hard-on for toffee, tried to shake one out but it was like giving CPR to a baked bean.

Anyway I'm glad you're finally here, it's all go on the AIG-Prudential double ended finance dildo and they want us to act as a middle man. You'll need to use your contacts over in Shanghai to make sure we don't end up bleeding from both holes. Oh and if anyone asks why that Lithuanian cleaner's got a black eye, just tell them she got her head trapped in the lift. She can barely speak a word of English, let alone German, and I made up some bullshit about my Russian mafia contacts who know where her family lives. Honestly, these Eastern Europeans may be cheap but they've got a lot to learn about how a service economy works. Squash on Thursday?

Von meinem drahtlosen BlackBerry®-Handheld gesendet.